I had an appointment this morning. It required me to leave Josie for a couple of hours. All I could think about was what would I come home to. Luckily – a dog that just wanted love and affection – and I’m sure a treat. Oh, and Bear. He was waiting there too.
I then realized I was starving. I hadn’t had breakfast, just some coffee. But the idea of food just did not seem appealing. Cereal – cereal sounded good. Too bad I didn’t have any. So after I checked on the dogs, I headed back out for a quick trip to the grocery store.
As I was checking out, the cheerful cashier asked, “Are you having a good day?”
“Yes,” I lied.
No. No I’m not. I’m having a horrible day. I’ve been up since 1 am because I have a dog with a nasal tumor and her nose decided it wanted to bleed – a lot. It’s really crappy. I held back my thoughts but felt the quivering lip start. I successfully held it back as I swiped my card to pay.
“I hope you have a good rest of day,” said the cashier as she gave me my receipt.
I politely thanked her as I quickly left – head down, not making eye contact.
Days like this are bad. Not only on a physical level for Josie but on a emotional level for both of us. They make me start questioning whether I’m being cruel by trying to help Josie. Or start thinking about “the end” and how will I know. I don’t want my dog to one day bleed after being seemingly fine the day before. But most likely, that is what will happen. So is it worth it? I honestly don’t know.
I got back home, poured myself a bowl of cereal and took the dogs out front. Josie is panting again – but then again, so is Bear – so hopefully it is just the excitement of the great outdoors. She is laying down next to me watching everything – extremely attentive. She’ll spot something and bark at it then go back to quiet observation. When she gets really curious, she’ll get up, stick her nose to the ground and start sniffing – following the trail to see where it leads.
Who knows – maybe today will turn out to good after all.